Right, so first I should probably mention that along with my compadre Lewis Newcombe I’ve been putting on a variety night called In The Spotlight. This takes place monthly on a Tuesday in the Albion Beatnik Bookstore and incorporates music, poetry, storytelling and improv acting. There’s also a regular drawing competition. More on this later …<\/p>\n
For this month’s Spotlight I wrote an election-themed poem in honour of the world’s most important democractic constest (India is the largest democracy but the outcome of the US elections is probably more significant for the rest of the world – there was of course a simultaneous leadership choice in China but that’s not a democracy).<\/p>\n
\nThe Presidential Race<\/h3>\n
The contest for the leadership of Middle Earth has never been so close.
\nNor so acrimonious.
\nEverywhere you look, from the sylvan skyscrapers of Lorien to the subterranean slums of Moria,
\nFrom the rude refugios of Rohan to the malodorous pits of Dol Guldur,
\nElection slogans abound.
\nA monotonous monocular gaze peers from an atramental placard
\nAbove the indubitable claim, \u2018Strength through Sauron!\u2019
\nWhile the orthodontically enhanced smiles of Frodo Baggins
\nAnd his running mate Sam, \u2018man of the people\u2019,
\nMouth the unassuming catchphrase,
\n\u2018We will get there though we do not know the way.\u2019<\/p>\nAt the start of the race the former governor of Mordor enjoyed an unprecedented ninety-three point lead.
\nBut the quants all agree that the scion of the Baggins Dynasty has caught up
\nThanks to the spin doctor, strategist and all-round election wizard, Gandalfson,
\nAuthor of the now ubiquitous advice \u2018Go negative. Go early\u2019.
\nThe attack ads began with the dawn of the Second Age.
\nThe Frodo campaign used talk radio and the gutter press
\nTo accuse Sauron of murder, drunkenness, cockfighting, slave-trading and cannibalism*,
\nBefore graduating to unsubstantiated accusations.
\nHaving failed to court the media moghuls in Minas Tirith,
\nSauron has been powerless to retaliate
\nExcept in his blog.<\/p>\nBut the Frodo camp has not itself been immune to scandal.
\nDid Galadriel top up campaign coffers in return for the relaxation of logging restrictions?
\nWas Elrond promised lucrative government contracts in return for his endorsement?
\nAnd was it proper for him to threaten that the elves would depart Middle Earth for a tax haven in the West
\nIf the result didn\u2019t go their way?
\nAllegations of vote-rigging and gerrymandering have dogged both sides.
\nSome say the boundaries of the Shire were manipulated by Frodo\u2019s allies
\nTo exclude the hostile electorate of Bree.
\nIt is rumoured that Sauron has been stuffing the Mordor voter registers with freshly forged orcs
\nIt is whispered he has invented a new voting machine,
\nWith only one button.<\/p>\nNarnia has expressed concern and offered to fly in a team of election observers.
\nBut as the foremost fantastical democracy, Middle Earth has proudly retaliated;
\nIt needs no lessons from religious fanatics and talking animals.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
* These accusations were actually made against Andrew Jackson in his contest with John Quincy Adams in 1828. His wife and his mother, for good measure, were branded a bigamist and a whore, respectively. Jackson won.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Right, so first I should probably mention that along with my compadre Lewis Newcombe I’ve been putting on a variety night called In The Spotlight. This takes place monthly on a Tuesday in the Albion Beatnik Bookstore and incorporates music, poetry, storytelling and improv acting. There’s also a regular drawing competition. More on this later […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[58,181,128],"tags":[184,182,187,186,185,188,183],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.moogieman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1672"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.moogieman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.moogieman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.moogieman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.moogieman.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1672"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"http:\/\/www.moogieman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1672\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2546,"href":"http:\/\/www.moogieman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1672\/revisions\/2546"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.moogieman.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1672"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.moogieman.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1672"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.moogieman.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1672"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}